


The Tale of the Many Kakashis

by complicatedly



Category: Naruto
Genre: Characters Tagged In The Order In Which They Initially Appear, Deliberately Bad Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 11:49:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17385944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/complicatedly/pseuds/complicatedly
Summary: Listen well—Kakashi has a secret, that I in this poem will tell.





	The Tale of the Many Kakashis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Joan_of_Dark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joan_of_Dark/gifts).



There was once a man named Kakashi  
who all found to be rather wishy-washy.  
Often he would make a promise  
and seem to forget all about it with the utmost calmness.

But what no one knew was that Kakashi had a secret  
which you might think sounds weak but  
in truth, Kakashi was not one but eight.  
He had seven brothers, only some of whom he viewed with hate.

They shared the same name and lived the same life  
which might sound unnecessarily complicated, but hey, at least none of them had a wife!  
(Gai doesn’t count—  
while they might sometimes make-out, he never holds the Kakashis to account.)

But if one looked very close, differences you might find—  
of the eight, seven had hair of white, which left the last in quite the bind—  
For how could he live the life of his brothers when his hair was darker than beech?  
it made him sad and distressed, but he had no choice— he must bleach.

Another one was quite the jerk, though—  
(He was the only one who didn’t like Gai, which tells you all that you need to know.)  
But the other Kakashis rallied around him when he found himself pregnant  
And not just because they thought it was quite the investment.

For he was not the only one who had ever been pregnant—  
another one already had a child, though this new pregnancy led to a reassessment  
of future babysitting duties.  
(And also meant that the sad Kakashi had to knit new booties.)

The child lived in their greenhouse  
which wasn’t really any of their wheelhouse.  
But it was theirs by right, and they voted it through—  
And so was it decided that the coolest of the Kakashis lived there too.

For, of course, he could not take his place in their usual line-up—  
he was just Too Cool, and then how could any of the others ever live up  
to him? So he lived in the greenhouse, and tended the bar by night  
and made experimental concoctions, which occasionally gave the customers a fright.

Another one of the Kakashis was really rather mad—  
he’d spent time in a gladiator ring, you see, where bad times were to be had.  
It didn’t help that he was also a catboy, and always in heat  
And so he lost often, and never could find relief.

The youngest of the Kakashis could understand him well—  
for though he was never a gladiator, and had not the same clientele,  
he too was a catboy, and he too always in heat burned,  
though at least the other Kakashis always looked after him, concerned.

This split life came in handy when they were punished with three days of public use.  
Shadow clones were an accepted way to a sentencing reduce  
so there was no need to fear that their secret be shown  
even when three of them were simultaneously being blown. 

Even so, the day did not go as planned.  
Though they should have all been the same, in the end they were not equally in demand.  
One was really quite upset about all of this—  
in the morning all came to him, but by lunch they began to desist.

It seemed that he was just a fad—  
for longer-lasting satisfaction the people went to the dad.  
The cruellest of the Kakashi was there as well—  
And it turned out that in certain acts he did excel. 

(By all of them was poor Sakura as a student always ignored  
which made her very bored  
and also upset, but that’s okay — one day there was a birthday feast  
and there she fucked the tentacle beast.)

And there you have it:  
Not a bit of it did the author of this strange tale omit.  
(Except for— well, no one really cares about that —  
really, who reads Naruto for the _combat_?)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you don't mind the Kakashi/Gai references!!! I was also very shocked by the lack of Sakura/tentacle beasts in your sign-up, so of course I had to remedy that lack.
> 
> The prompt which inspired this staggering work of genius:
>
>> Kakashi was an octuplet and secretly has 7 brothers also named kakashi. Two are catboys constantly in heat. One is pregnant. One is a dad. Three were nonconsensually sentenced to public use. One is a tragic gladiator. Six have white hair. One bleaches. All eight pack a lunch. Given these facts, please determine how many live in the green house.


End file.
